Dealing with Grief
How Can I Learn To Manage The Loss?
Promote The `Grief Work`
Face the crisis actively so as to realize the full reality of what has
By viewing the body of the deceased and discussing the death with friends at the visitation, you can begin to accept the permanency of the loss. Although it is painful, you begin to realize you don`t get over grief, you work through it.
It is this pain which activates the healing process.
Surround Yourself With Friends And Family
Begin during the acute phase to accept the sympathy of people. You need
their warmth and support at the critical moments and throughout the
grief stages. Do not be afraid to cry with them.
Receiving friends at the funeral home is one way to allow others to show they care. Let them know you appreciate their concern.
Avoid Medication Such As Sedatives.
Although drugs may provide some needed relief, they must not be taken for the purpose of avoiding grief entirely. `Grief work` must be done in order to make the adjustment.
Refrain From Making Hasty Decisions.
Immediately taking a trip or changing your residence is not the answer. You must cope with the loss first, knowing that `running away` will not help. Avoid making serious financial decisions until you have had time to secure proper advice.
Recall The Unforgettable Memories
Sometimes bereaved individuals feel the solution to the grief is to attempt to `forget`. However, it is good to recall the life of the deceased. By recognizing the wealth of the past, you can understand the grief is worth the time spent together.
Consult With Professionals
Feel free to contact your clergyman, physician or funeral director. They are excellent listeners. Those familiar with the grief process may provide valuable counsel.
Avoid Relying Totally On The Advice Of Friends.
Often, well-meaning friends may be unfamiliar with the stages of grief or unaware of your true needs. Realize their intentions are in your interest, but sometimes their advice may be misdirected.
Share Your Feelings With Others.
Relate your problems and memories to those who will listen. Do not hesitate to repeat these time and again. Revealing your thoughts openly helps to alleviate emotional pain. It also helps to journal your feelings.
Establish Goals For Yourself.
Concentrating on serving others and developing new interests will relieve your loneliness and give new purpose to your life. You may volunteer to serve in a charitable organization to help individuals in need. Consider seeking further education, increasing your involvement in work, and joining service or travel clubs as ways of adding new meaning to your life.
Paint a realistic picture of what pain you may face. The `grief work` will help to overcome the intensified pressures of grief. Eventually you will remember the good times, and the bad ones will fade. Remember, when death comes ... part of the deceased lives on with the survivor.
Don`t Take My Grief Away, Doug Manning, In-Sight Books, Inc.
For Bereaved Grandparents, Margaret Gerner, Centering Corporation
Holiday Help, Sandra Graves, Ph.D., A.T.R. and Sherry Williams, R.M., B.A., Accord, Inc.
Living When Your Loved One Has Died, Earl A. Grollman, Ph.D., Beacon Press.
Men and Grief, Carol Staudacher, New Harbinger Publications
No Time For Goodbyes, Janice Lord, Pathfinder Pub. of California
Suicide: Survivors, A Guide For Those Left Behind. Adina Wrobleski, Afterwords Publishing
The Bereaved Parent, Harriet Sarnoff Schiff, Viking Penquin
Time Remembered Journal, Earl A. Grollman, Ph.D.,Beacon Press